THE BIRDS LOOK LIKE POKEMON

I haven’t been able to write for a few days. Here are some notes I took

 

I wake up feeling rested and shower for the first time in three days.

Go back to classes and am told at lunch I can’t go to visit the migrant school because of swine flu and I should rest.

Watch some rome and go to the bamboo park but end up just listening to pod casts instead of meditating because I don’t feel like it.

. students at the university have pictures of Jordan up on their walls and the women don’t drink.

Couples are making out everywhere and the park is under construction everywhere.

Rome is making me paranoid and I get lost

I get home and everyone is getting off the bus and im relieved.

Got a massage from a blind woman. It was bizarre and not relaxing but I feel good and comfortable. I’m not on edge anymore.

I haven’t eaten much later and don’t eat much at dinner.

We go to the house of an artist who lived through the cultural revolution. He is egar to talk to us and offers us hard alcohol. We say no. his talk is fast and he reminds me of something but keeps saying a work in Chinese that sounds like the n-word and it distracts me. I accidently think about my own death for a second and I struggle to think about anything else while I he talks.

I ask a question about modern art and he gives an age appropriate answer and i completely check out.

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The speaker who comes after Chinese class is dressed like a Wes Anderson character and is very old. He talks about Chinese people learning English and is charming and fun. When we are done asking questions he sings us home on the range.

The Olympic park is huge and I feel like im in the future. Its to big it tires us out and we rest on the field of the birds nest.

The is a thing in the sky that looks like a plane but it to far away to be sure. It hovers above the park. No one can explain what it is and I get distracted and I cant think of anything else.

There is a building that looks like the all spark. We keep asking people what it is but no one really answers so we get in a cab and head home.

 

People seem like they are loosing their minds and I kind of like the craziness. There is almost a fight and I act  relieved but im really disappointed and I go to bed.

 

 

Im anxious about the final in Chinese but no enough to study and pretend like it isn’t happening and instead bullshit my way through poorly. 

The two hours kill me and I need to get out of the class.

Eat spaghetti outside and I feel good again. I remember how much I love Beijing and know  I will miss it. I almost call it a moveable feast to the people im eating with but I keep it to myself.

We practice for our presentation in front of the president of the college but no one takes it seriously and we all get stressed a little.

Talked to a venture capitalist in his home. The house was beautiful and had catacombs that looked like they were made by Disney.

His dog wont let us pet him. Being a dog in Beijing must be the most stressful thing. I wouldn’t let people pet me either.

We walk home in the rain.

The final presentation went better than expected. I cant tell if my Chinese teacher like me but I really don’t care all I can think of is our presentation. It wasn’t a big deal at all.

We go to dinner and its awkward but nice and I don’t drink my warm beer. We talk about apple pie and the food is really good but the rice is weird. I try to order a milkshake but give up after the third waitress.

I leave for the villages tomorrow and leave Beijing. 

CONSTANT SLEEPING AND LITTLE ELSE

i got Pneumonia and there was blood in my mucus. it sounds worse than it is. 

we went to mao's mausoleum. it was two hours in line singing negro spirituals before we got inside and were ushered out before we could realize how bizarre the entire thing was. i felt exhausted and couldn't stop coughing so i went to the hospital which was a hold over from WWII with new technology thrown in. 

the doctor gave me antibiotics and i went home to sleep. got up to go to dinner and back early to go to bed. threw up a couple of times throughout the night and decided not to go out. slept all day watched 6 hours of rome and got a bit of cabin fever.

i decided to go back to the doctor because there was blood in the mucus i was spitting up. went to a western hospital this time which was a lot like the other hospital but the doctor spoke english.

i was feeling lightheaded and the hospital was putting me on edge. there were flat screens every where  playing video of either zombies or crying babies with the sound off. all the nurses wore vintage nurse hats and face masks which i found offsetting. i felt like i was loosing my mind and was focusing on keeping it together when a twelve year old girl sat down next to me and started crying. slipped into slight paranoia and had a minor melt down when the masked twilight zone nurses were drawing blood to run tests.

the hall ways were loud and everyone is milling about and interrupting doctors. i take an x ray and wait to have them looked at. i start watching the screens and there is a baby crying again with no sound. this goes on for about two minuets until out of nowhere a woman comes and breast feeds the baby. i look up and down the hall its playing on all of the screens. the camera pans up to the woman's face and she looks directly at me and gives a seductive smile. 

i start planning my escape. 

the doctor tells me i have Pneumonia. i pay for pills and have an american who is smoking outside the hospital to take a picture of my TA and i because its been 10 days and this was the most bizarre thing i have been through or im loosing my mind. either way it should be documented. 

i feel better and it sounds worse than it is. 

i dont blame china but i wish i could watch the wet wing. instead i listen muse and take the prescriptions. 

ROME FOR 100 YUAN

after classes we decided to go to mcdonalds.

we went to one in a gigantic mall that had nothing to really buy. 

we had mcdonalds   (it is exactly the same) and talked about the difficulties of a squat toilet.

the pizza hut's here are like California pizza kitchens and they sell alcohol. 

there was an arcade at the top that was disappointing and next to it a place for pregnant women to loose the pregnancy fat. 

took at taxi back to the university got my passport and hoped in a cab to go to the vietnamese embassy. the ride was about an hour and relaxing. i ended up being to late to get a visa so i wandered around the neighborhood. i found a market and walked around until people started grabbing my arm. i was annoyed and looked for the subway. 

bought pirated dvds and got on the subway. it took an hour and reminded me of japan even though i have never been.

i had to get a cab from the station to the university and it took 20 minuets because no taxis want to pick Americans up. i think im getting sick and for the whole ride i listen to old bea arthur routines. its been almost two weeks since she died.

i get back in time to get in another cab and head to dinner. josh is drunk and explains his day three times and i wish i had thought to do what he did.  

the restaurant is cultural revolution themed and we eat with people who lived through it. it was like eating with civil rights activist in a segregation themed restaurant. it is bizarre and the beer isn't that good.

one of the speakers defends religious persecution and i challenge him a little before i realize he is almost 80 and was under house arrest during the cultural revolution and i should keep my mouth shut.

i fall down a flight of stairs and we take a bus home. 

i still cant sleep past 6 and haven't felt rested in what feels like years. 

 

"I TRIED THE SQUAT TOILETS. FAIL."

i was a half hour late for a guest lecturer.

it was one of the most rude things you can do and i had been warned against it many times. 

on the bus to the Buddhist monastery i fall asleep and the professors talk about me but i'm to tired to listen. i wish we had taken a taxi.

we were late to meet the head of the monastery. he was an older man and fit the part. it was beautiful and we were all on our best behavior. he gave us prayer beads and seemed like a nice guy. i was going to ask about tibet but forgot or lost the nerve.

we sat outside and wished they sold beers. we talked about nothing and were bored in the good way.

the monks invited us to pray with them and we did. it was moving and no one looked at each other so we wouldn't laugh. we prayer for an hour and one of the monks kept looking at me like he could sense the bad karma. i think the language barrier is making me paranoid.   

dinner was served about an hour after we got there. we got beer wand waited. we ate duck and mocked each other mercilessly. one of professor's friends came. we talked and she was unimpressed. she asked questions about us while we were sitting there. eventually we completely ignored her.   

cabs still wont pick us up so we hung out outside of the restaurant and people took pictures of us without asking. the cab ride we talked about the chances of sex on the trip.

i think its already happening but i don't say anything.

no one else on the trip watches i love money. 

i fall asleep wondering where i am and hoping the office season finally will be worth the wait. 

A VAST RIGHT WING CONSPIRACY

second day of classes. 

chinese is no better. i got my chinese name. its bu rai dah. it means unluck and immoral. 

i find out we are going as a group to the place we went the night before. 

i got my chinese name. its bu rai dah. it means unlucky and immoral. 

i invite our chinese teacher and she blows us off. im leaning towards her hating us. 

edick is still drunk during calligraphy. he hick-ups like a cartoon and everyone gives up five minuets in. 

we take taxis to see the hutungs and meet our tour guide who looked and sounded like Colonel Nicholson from bridge over river kawi. he was flippant and would say things like "the ming were a stuffy people. they had nice furniture and porcelain though."

the hutongs are beautiful and quite. the architecture is old and the people polite and its easy to forget your in one of the largest cities in the world. 

 

saw baby ducks and turtles that were cute and going be turned into food. 

it was beautiful and i haven't felt so relaxed on the trip so far. we bought beers and hung around the old mansion of a famous drag queen. 

we had dinner got more beer toasted marx on his birthday and got loud once again.

we talked our TA and Ma (shes 80) into coming out.

we buy expensive drinks and are the only ones in the club except some prostitutes doing blow in the corner. 

we ignore everyone else in the club and dance ridiculously. we leave after about three hours. 

so far this trip is nothing like lost in translation. 

FIRST DAY OF SCHOOL

classes started today. 

half the class was not on time and we might have offended the new teachers.

some how i was placed in the intermediate class. it is clear on the first day that i'm a lost cause.

my teacher is energetic but i think she is a little annoyed by us. honestly i cant tell.

we get badminton rackets and are very bad at playing.

we end up going to the summer palace.

like everything its beautiful and we are to busy acting like fools to notice. we take a boat ride and end up splitting the group in half for a half hour.

we sit by a huge lake and do stupid things and be loud, buy things we dont need and leave.

in the taxis on the way to dinner i get in an argument over if beyonce is a dancer or not. (apparently she isn't) 

its joes birthday we buy a huge cake that turns out to be worth the money. i kinda start a race war. the food is ok.

i'm tired but get guilted into going out. 

we go to a lake in the middle of the old city that is surrounded by bars. its like disney land but really is like how Bangkok is described to me. 

the bars are to expensive so we buy beers in the ally and wander around.

we never meet up with the birthday boy and eventually take taxis home end up at home.  

i wake up my roommate and sleep in my cloths. 

im happy i went out and kinda dont ever want to leave beijing.

THE GREATEST WALL OF ALL

here are the notes i took while on the highest point of the great wall:

"this place is given to cliches.

its the top of the world.

after the forbidden city yesterday there is a comment to be made about compensating for something. i wonder if i will be hackie enough to go there.

i bought water at the highest point on the wall. a guy carried a case of snacks up to a place that took me over an hour to scale and on at least two occasions made me think i was going to throw up. when i ask how  much for a water he says two yuan. i get it out and he says no. he meant 20. everyone laughed. 

sophia copola soundtracks are good for the great wall. 

queen albums don't work.

i met an irish couple who complained about the flight from new zealand in the same breath as introducing themselves. i dont hang out with them.

i really want a burrito.

a couple in their 50's were near me during the accent. neither of them were dressed for the hike. the woman had taken off her heals and was walking barefoot. they were determined to get to the top. they seemed in love and joked with me every time we rested rear each other. they make it to the top.

just like honey is a really good song when your at the top of the great wall. 

just saw a women with the worst arm fat ever. i'm glad it hasn't stopped her from doing what she wants to do.

i cant tell the difference between gays and germans but both area really tragic in their middle age.  (they were germans)

i dont want to be an adult.

there was a kid who pooed in public on the great wall. he just squatted over a newspaper as people walked by. he said "i'm done" when it was appropriate.

i love china."